


No Good Deed

by sweetosmanthus



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Accidental adoption sort of, Cinderella Elements, Dying Will Flames (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!), Flame Harmonization (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!), Hijinks & Shenanigans, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I have no idea where this is going, I really have no idea where this is going, Kidnapping, Original Character-centric, POV Original Character, Strong Female Characters, WHO IS SHE, Worldbuilding, buongiorno i don't speak italian, can you consider it a tragic flaw if there is a happy ending?, canon i don't know her, disaster dino, espresso shots, except maybe to get pizza, hi welcome to the club here is your membership card and tshirt we have meetings on tuesdays, is all my plans, not really but maybe?, ohana means family family means no one is left behind or forgotten, ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli, surprise you get to join the fam, what time period does this occur in? there's a mystery in town so call the coolest pup around
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21532792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetosmanthus/pseuds/sweetosmanthus
Summary: Software engineer Maria is travelling for work when she tries to help someone in trouble. Ironically, it turns out what she has always considered to be her strength is also her tragic flaw. With her trip ruined, she really just wants to go home and sleep her problems away… but her deed has unintended consequences.
Comments: 36
Kudos: 258
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts, Amazing OFC fanfiction, Favorite Self-Insert and OC-Centric Fanfics





	1. Chapter One: the terrible, horrible, very bad, no-good day

###  **Chapter One: the terrible, horrible, very bad, no-good day**

What do you do when you encounter a street fight?

> Do you:  
>    
>  (a) run away;  
>    
>  (b) call the police;  
>    
>  (c) try to peacefully negotiate a ceasefire between the hostile entities?  
> 

  


* * *

  


This is not really a situation that Maria Suzuki has ever previously experienced in the almost 25 years of her life. Nor did she ever think to ask herself this question... except for perhaps a silly magazine personality test.  


Travelling for work is often exhausting. Maria had been walking back to her hotel after working late. Tired and suffering a migraine, she is so miserable that she missed her turn and ends up in an alley she does not recognize.  


"Damn." She curses to herself, rubbing her forehead. Frankly, finding herself in a dead end alley that she does not recognize is not entirely surprising as it's only her second day in Italy. And while Maria is enjoying learning the city and eating the food, her project is already extremely stressful. She scuffs her feet grumpily and kicks a stray stone. She pulls out her work phone and waits for her GPS to load.  


What a surprise - of course, her data connection is slow. It figures. As the map finally loads, she hears the soft "oof" and an angry Italian conversation.  


Maria rolls her eyes. She may not speak much italian but there is no mistaking a person cursing. She tunes out the noise and she maps her way to the hotel.  


Suddenly, there is screaming and loud sounds of fist being exchanged.  


Reflexively, as her sense of fight-or-flight is triggered, Maria looks up from her phone to see one man in a suit attempt to stab a man in a much nicer and likely much more expensive suit, who dodges the knife but just barely.  


She has always been a very practical girl. She has always been prepared - even carrying a small first aid kit in her purse. Maria likes planning for eventualities.  


But this? A street fight?  


Maria has never planned for this situation. Maria has never seen this situation coming. She has never expected to be anywhere near anyone fighting.  


So, she surprises herself when she does not get away as fast as possible or call the police. Nor does she try to stop the fight.  


Instead, Maria mind is blank, and her brain experiences a blue screen of death. Her system has experienced an unrecoverable error and crashed.  


For a moment, she does not breathe; she does not think; she does not move. A chill races down to the bottom of her spine. She is frozen.  


Her brain reboots.  


Then, completely out of character, Maria promptly trips over her own feet and is sent sprawling into the man in the nicer suit, pushing him down just in time for the knife to miss.  


For a moment she stares into his eyes, baffled by the situation. His warm brown eyes are beautiful, and she almost loses herself in them. She feels warm as if she just drank a shot of whiskey.  


Then she sees the other man dive for them with the knife. Suddenly, her brain overloads, and her sympathetic nervous system sends her adrenaline skyrocketing. Her heart races. The stress of the day catches up to her. She finds herself furious. Completely and utterly furious.  


Her day sucked. Work was awful. She has jet lag. She doesn't speak the language. She got lost. Her feet hurt. She hasn’t eaten today.  


Keeping positive has been an exhausting trial.  


All Maria wants to do is get back to the hotel, crack open a bottle of wine, and sleep.  


Instead, she is stuck, hot and hungry, on the dirty ground of a creepy alley with a knife wielding psycho attacking her and halfway across the world from home.  


Maria is angry. Her pulse races, and the ancient evolutionary conditioned response screams at her to act.  


Instinct takes over.  


It is an eruption of a long dormant anger.  


A burning fury floods her senses. Then, the next thing she knows, she has tackled the man attempting to attack and is whaling on him. She hits him and hits him and hits him.  


Apparently, Maria’s answer to “what do you do when you encounter a street fight?” is a fourth option not included on the personality quiz. Apparently, Maria’s answer is “(d) join the brawl.”  


Maria has never been a violent person. While she has taken self defense classes, Maria has never been in a fight nor wanted to be in a fight. Maria has never hit another person for the purpose of harming them. Until now.  


Her face tinged red with fury and exhaustion, she moves to hit the man again but an arm catches her elbow. She turns to look at the well-dressed man with the beautiful eyes.  


_"Puoi fermarti ora."_ He says gently. He pulls her up away from his attacker. _"Grazie per il vostro aiuto."_  


Maria wordlessly stares at him.  


_"Stai bene?"_ He prompts her again.  


"Uh-" Maria desperately tries to remember how to say that she doesn't speak Italian, but the Italian words do not want to come. Her shaking and stuttering is interrupted but a crowd of suited men racing into the alley. The psycho is promptly tied up and picked up.  


_"Capo! Stai bene?"_ An older man addresses the man with beautiful eyes. _"Quello che è successo?"_  


_"Sì sono buono. È una lunga storia."_  


_"Chi è la ragazza?"_  


Maria realizes that her energy and adrenaline has worn off, and she is over the whole situation. Maybe even the whole country.  


So while the hoard of suit wearing men are talking in a language that she does not understand, Maria walks past the men and out of the alley.  


* * *

She drags her body the rest of the way to the hotel. As soon as she is back in the room, she showers, does her skin care routine, and then lays down on the bed.  


"What the fuck," Maria mutters to herself.  


She stares blankly at the ceiling.  


Maria is exhausted and really just wants to be home right now. Curled up on her own bed. Instead, she's stuck in Italy for the next two weeks. She was excited when she was asked to travel for this project, but so far, the trip has not been as she hoped. Only a few days until the weekend, and she could do some tourist activities.  


She sighs soundlessly. "I can't believe I have work tomorrow." She needs to set an alarm.  


"Shit." She doesn't have her phone. Groaning, after searching to no avail, she uses the hotel phone to call down to the front desk for an early wake up call.  


Maria forces herself to calm down and tells herself tomorrow will be a good day despite the slowly creeping ominous feeling deep within her bones. Then, she turns over and tries to sleep.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maria: (did not ask)  
> Maria: (does not have time)  
> Dino: (is a disaster)  
> Maria: i’m feeling very personally attacked right now
> 
> Dino: (is attacked)  
> Maria: i have only known this man for a second but if anything happens to this man i will kill everyone and then myself
> 
> Personality quizzes are fun but why are the options sometimes weird?


	2. Chapter Two: slice slice baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life can be a surprise. Our unfortunate protagonist is due for another surprise.
> 
> Nothing is going the way Maria expected it to go.

###  **Chapter Two: slice slice baby**

_Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap._ The noise is unending, one after another after another. _Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap._ Her fingers fly across the keyboard. _Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap._  


“-at first sight! Isn't that so romantic? Gio was blubbering over the whole thing. You know how he gets... but then he told me- wait, Maria? Are you even listening to me?”  


_Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap._ The words fill the screen.  


“Maria? Not again…. yoo-hoo, is anyone home?”  


_Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-  
_

Suddenly, the laptop closes on Maria’s hands. Maria feels the heat of her embarrassed blush spread across her face as she looks up to find her heavily pregnant colleague still leaning over from closing Maria’s laptop.  


“Oh.. hi Giada… Good morning. I didn’t see you come in?”  


“Tsk-tsk-tsk, I texted you that we were eating lunch together today. Maria, you really ought to be more observant. It’s great to be focused on work, but I’ve been here for the last ten minutes.” The pregnant woman tugs at her arms. “It’s lunchtime, I am craving fries, and my waddling means it will take forever to get to Stefano’s.”  


Maria laughs softly as she grabs her jacket, “Alright, alright, I’m coming. Is Gio still only cooking healthy food? I thought you rid him of his obsession months ago.”  


“I thought so too, but as it turns out, he has been tricking me when he cooks! Making my food healthy without telling me!? How dare he? He did this to me and now I have to eat healthy while he gets to enjoy gelato!? I can’t wait until I can eat all the delicious gelato I want! And also drink wine!”  


Although their walk to Stefano’s is every bit as slow as Giada had assumed it would be, Maria is still surprised when a menu is placed in her hands.  


“Gio is so stupid, but I can’t help but love him. Anyhow, enough about my stupid husband for now… did you decide what to eat?”  


“Hmmm, let’s see….” Maria smiles as she pretends to peruse the menu. She knows the answer Giada wants and why she invited Maria for lunch. The hopeful look on her coworker’s face is so cute though, it makes Maria want to tease her. Not for too long, Maria supposes she should have mercy for the pregnant woman. “Hmmm… there are just so many options… I could get a burger, but I suppose it might be a little early to eat food from home. Decisions, decisions. How about we share a pizza? And some fries?”  


“YES! I choose well! I mean, you may be new, but I could tell you were a smart girl!” Giada turns to the waiter and orders their food in Italian. She then grabs her Maria’s hands while beaming. “Marry me, and we will eat all of the pizza together.”  


“You would have to divorce Gio first. Are you sure you want to break his heart? He’s fragile.. I’m not sure he would survive it.”  


“That’s true… what a shame, we could have had beautiful pizza babies together. Maybe in the next life. What a good response, way better than Gio’s.”  


“... I should have known you asked him. What did he do?”  


“He fainted. He hit the ground so hard that he gave himself a concussion, and then he thought he imagined the whole thing.”  


Maria erupts in laughter as she imagines the proposal. She is still laughing when the food arrives.  


“No, Gio definitely won best response. How could I top that?”  


“He’s so stupid cute, I can’t stand it. It’s a shame though, because I am definitely going to divorce him and marry these fries.”  


“Good, that means the pizza is still free for me. Thanks for inviting me, Giada, the pizza is divine -” Maria stops as she notices a Giada pause stuffing her face with the fries. “Are you alright? The fries didn’t reject your proposal, did they?”  


There is a strange look on Giada’s face, and Maria feels the bottom of her stomach curl with concern.  


“I- I think… I don’t know how to say it in English. I think the child is coming?” 

“Yes, in a few weeks? Oh, oh no. No, no, you mean.. the child is coming now. Your water just broke… oh no, I suppose now is a bad time to tell you that I lost my phone. Call Gio and an ambulance... but first breathe, Giada. It’s going to be okay.”  


* * *

Gio faints. He barely enters the hospital room before he keels over in a dramatic, dead faint.  


He’s a strong man, but he has such a gentle heart. Particularly for anything that has to do with his wife.  


So, after he rushes into the room completely out of breath but screaming _“mio caro”_ and nervously announces his boss’s best wishes to his wife, he faints. Because of course Gio would.  


Maria almost doesn’t catch him. She dives for him and barely holds his weight up. A nurse helps lower him to the floor.  


Giada laughs hysterically, not the least surprised by the turn of events.  


“Thank you for catching my stupid husband, and thank you for staying, Maria.”  


“Watching Gio faint like a damsel in distress is much better entertainment than anything at work. Why would I possibly miss out?”  


Gio’s eyes pop open, and he jumps up to hold Giada’s hand, whispering in soft Italian to her.  


Maria excuses herself from the room to get coffee.  


Also, to give them some privacy. They're almost too cute together.  


As she walks past the fast accumulating bouquets of flowers, she gets the urge to sneeze. She barely pulls out a tissue and antibacterial before she has sneezed once, twice, and then a third time.  


By the time she makes it to the coffee stand, her nose is itching like crazy, and there are butterflies clawing at her stomach.  


She stands behind two nicely dressed men in line at the coffee stand. One turns around as he yammers to the other men.  


His eyes catch hers.  


Her eyes meet familiar brown.  


Later, she will wonder where and how she knows those eyes.  


But for now, she panics.  


Before she realizes what she is doing, she has opened up a window, jumped out of it, and run four blocks.  


She stares at the menu in the coffee shop in confusion and then orders a macchiato.  


She's never jumped out of window before. Or run away from a hospital. She's not really sure why she panicked and jumped out of a window. She is not the type of person to panic. Or jump out windows. She really is lucky she didn't break anything. Or maybe she did and is in shock? Maybe she should go back to hospital to get checked? Because Maria is starting to wonder if she's gone crazy. Is there something in the water in Italy that makes people act strangely? She will need to go back eventually either way, so Giada doesn't worry.  


But that will be a problem for future Maria.  


At least, she supposes as she sips her coffee calmly, she didn’t faint.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maria: don’t text me in a crisis  
> Maria: not because I don’t want to help you, because I probably will want to help. but mostly because I have no phone  
> Maria: use the mail instead  
> Maria: if it doesn’t get lost, then I will see what I can do... in 3 to 5 business days, of course.
> 
> So, I still have no idea where this is going (other than I'm about to order some pizza) but here's more of something. Thanks for reading :)


	3. Livin' La Vida Mocha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a coffee break is required. Especially after Maria's day. Coffee shenanigans ensue.

###  **Chapter Three: Livin' La Vida Mocha**

The steaming macchiato sits on the table. An adorable foam cat sits on the top of her coffee.  


It’s almost too cute to drink.  


She can't decide what is cuter - the nose or the toe beans.  


After a moment to appreciate the artistic talents of the barista, Maria finally takes her first sip of the coffee.  


She pauses briefly in surprise. The immediate shift in her mood from drained to completely and utterly delighted almost gives her whiplash.  


She takes another sip of the coffee. “Ah, so good~♡!”  


She can’t hold back the blissful smile as the flavor of the espresso washes over her taste buds.  


“Delicious, no?” a man at the next table puts down his newspaper, his lips curling at the corners at her expression.  


“This is the best macchiato I’ve ever had.”  


“Try the espresso. The dark roast will take you to heaven.”  


“Those are bold words, but something tells me to believe you.” Maria looks sadly at her now empty cup. “And I clearly need a refill anyways.”  


* * *

**Is it possible to taste heaven?**

  


* * *

The complex aroma is intoxicating. Maria savors the perfect balance of bitterness, rich flavor, and acidity. And the caffeine!  


The cup of espresso is beyond delicious.  


It is the best thing she has ever had to drink.  


It tastes of the ambrosia of paradise. It tastes of a story of true love.  


Is she crying?  


It makes her want to cry.  


“You, sir, are a gentleman of great taste.”  


“Of course.”  


The handsome mystery man is her new hero.  


Her coffee prophet seems to radiate with impossible confidence and smugness.  


A sudden shyness jolts her. Maria finishes her espresso without another word.  


* * *

**Yes, it is possible.**

  


* * *

Maria pays the check with a soft smile and thanks the barista.  


She grabs her work bag, straightens her blazer and, with a small wave farewell, walks out the door of the small cafe.  


_La Perla Cafe_  


What a wonderful little cafe. Maria knows she will inevitably return for more coffee.  


Walking around the outdoor seating and flower pots, she looks back briefly to see several men in suits walk swiftly into the cozy little cafe.  


She hums quietly and happily to herself as she walks back to her hotel.  


The sky is now dark, and the lights of the city are now a-glow.  


The lights and shadows accentuate the beauty of the historical buildings.  


Her stomach is fluttering with simple happiness (or perhaps a caffeine overload).  


It really is a beautiful city. So rich in history, culture, and architecture.  


It’s a true shame that Maria has not yet had time for any tourist activities. She cannot wait for the weekend and the time to explore some of the museums and historical buildings.  


For by far not the first time of the day, she wishes she had her phone. She desperately wants to take some pictures of the city.  


Walking by the only electronics store she’s seen so far does not take long, but unfortunately, due to the hour, the electronics store is closed.  


Since it looks like she will have to wait until tomorrow to pick up a new phone, Maria decides to take a scenic path back to the hotel through a nearby park.  


The park is still open, and several couples stroll slowly down the paths.  


Maria walks through the gate and leisurely wanders a path.  


The flowers are blooming and their fragrance is sweet. However, it is too dark to appreciate their color.  


She sits down on a bench under a broken streetlight and next to a classical statue standing in the middle of the park.  


The sound of the rushing water in the fountain is calming; the tranquility of the park relaxing.  


Maria leans back, stares up at the full moon, and wonders about her life choices.  


“Maria, what are you even doing here?” she asks herself under her breath.  


The light pollution of the city keeps all but the strongest stars from twinkling. The moon glows with beautiful radiance, and her mind begins to drift. The glow of the moon in the dark sky gives her a warm feeling… a feeling that reminds her of the warmth of the macchiato and espresso and how the coffee warmed her insides on every sip.  


The color and warmth of the macchiato suddenly reminds her of warm brown eyes.  


“Where have I seen those eyes before?” She wonders.  


Maria breathes out and softly raps her knuckles on her head. “No, do not chase that rabbit, Maria. Do not think about that. Ugh.”  


Resolving not to reflect any further on that, she turns her thoughts to potential congratulatory gifts for Giada.  


Diapers? Onesies? She runs through some initial ideas and starts to narrow down options.  


Then, her moment of peace is interrupted.  


“ _Non vedo la ragazza_.” A man runs past the bench, talking loudly on the phone. “ _L'ho seguita nel parco… ma lei è andata_.”  


Maria watches him bemusedly as he almost knocks a couple over in his haste.  


There seem to be so many men who wear suits and women who wear fabulous outfits. The city must be known for fashion. She looks ruefully down at her plaid pantsuit. Maybe when she has time, she can go shopping and get herself a new outfit.  


Deciding she should begin to prepare for work the next day, Maria retraces her steps to the front of the park and heads for her hotel.  


* * *

It’s a longer walk than she expected.  


Of course, it’s just her luck that the hotel gym is closed by the time she arrives.  


* * *

Draping herself across the bed, she finds herself growing grumpier the longer she is awake.  


After finishing her skincare routine while simultaneously completing some outstanding work and shopping for baby gifts, Maria once again regrets her life choices as she asks the front desk for an early wake up call.  


* * *

She dreams of coffee.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course she does. Delicious food and drinks can be life changing and can also send you to heaven. Because, whoops, this story is apparently accidentally set in the same universe as Yakitate! Japan. 
> 
> And I’m not sure what the chapter is about... other than apparently I _really_ want some coffee.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Stay safe everyone! :o
> 
> Maria: *drinks coffee*  
>  _Suddenly flowers bloom and harps play_  
>  Other patrons in the cafe: *wondering if they’re hallucinating* what kind of cafe is this?
> 
> Maria: *drinks coffee*  
> Maria: *has a heart attack*  
> Maria: *comes back to life* HE WAS RIGHT. I saw heaven.  
> Barista: *putting away the defibrillator he just used* I think you should go visit a doctor.  
> Maria: *still lying on the floor* I have been visited by an angel.


	4. Heartburn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter is brought to you by the terms and conditions, privacy policies, and the 1980's hit "Somebody's Watching Me."
> 
> Maria drinks terrible coffee and has a bad feeling (tm). Also heartburn.

###  **Chapter Four: Heartburn**

Maria sips the break room coffee as she walks out of the office building for the day. It leaves an unfortunate aftertaste on her tongue.  


The taste does not go away, even as she slowly window shops around the plaza. If anything it seems to get worse, burning her throat and upsetting her stomach.  


She buys a bottle of water to hopefully wash down the taste.  


It doesn’t help.  


The hair on the back of her neck stands on end, and she feels weirdly claustrophobic.  


It makes her want to immediately book a ticket, fly home, and not leave her home for the next two months.  


Nonetheless, there is a new mother (and baby!) waiting to be visited. And, of course, her underpaying job.  


Maria swallows her frustration and continues to ignore the rising alarm in the forgotten prehistoric lizard instinct part of her brain.  


She also swallows more terrible coffee, because mama didn't raise no quitter...and she might as well take any caffeine she can get if she is going to continue to make poor life decisions.  


She ducks into the closest store - a small department store - and browses the merchandise. An overly helpful employee attempts to convince her into trying on some clothes (which were not her style). She hates being followed around when she shops. So, she walks around a few minutes before she sees a back door and ducks out while the employee is talking to another shopper.  


She walks into the next shopping plaza. She walks around and through stores until she finally finds one that appears to have what she needs (and busy enough that she is not followed by an overly helpful employee).  


Once she has found the right store, it doesn’t take her long to find what she needs. So after buying a replacement phone and finally finding a gift for Giada, Maria decides to take an even more scenic route to the hospital.  


* * *

She takes plenty of pictures with her new phone. The camera on the phone is surprisingly nice and picks up some beautiful details in the buildings and statues.  


Unfortunately, all of her selfies seem to be unintentionally photobombed by various men lurking in the background. Some of them have rather silly expressions on their face like they’ve been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.  


It’s strangely endearing. She doesn’t delete the pictures.  


* * *

Maria finds her feet have carried her to an unexpected destination.  


She looks up to outdoor seating in front of a stone building with friendly orange curtains.  


A smile spreads across her face.  


_La Perla Cafe._  


Sweet relief for her taste buds.  


She’s returned sooner than expected.  


It must be fate.  


Maria supposes she shouldn’t fight fate.  


* * *

“Maria! MARRY ME!”  


Unsurprisingly, Giada accepts her offering of coffee with slightly more enthusiasm than perhaps expected for a woman recovering from an early labor.  


"As always, I appreciate the offer - but I need my sleep so I'm going to let Gio take the baby duties. Ask me again when the meatball is older."  


Floral bouquets, diaper bouquets, and cute stuffed toys fill the sunny hospital room. Giada shines with the radiance of an exhausted and pained but euphoric new mother.  


Unsurprisingly, Gio tears up when he sees the baby gift.  


Maria assumes the only reason he doesn’t full on ugly cry is he is holding the sleeping baby as said baby duties require... and Giada would likely kill him if he woke the baby unnecessarily.  


“Maria, come look at my hard work.”  


"Aw, what a cute little meatball, Giada. Clearly, I was wrong, you make a mean spaghetti after all.”  


“The meatball has her adorable nose. ” Gio offers as he shows off the baby.  


“The meatball chose the superior genes in this family,” Giada smiles, wide and proud, and throws a teasing look at her husband.  


“The best,” the man agrees, audibly and visually love struck.  


“Do you have any anti-acids? All three of you are so stupid cute together that you make me physically sick.”  


All three of them are so focused on mooning over the baby that they barely notice when the door opens. A distinguished man with glasses and a well-groomed mustache barely pops his head into the room and clears his throat.  


_“Molto dispiaciuto, Giada. È un'emergenza. Abbiamo bisogno dell'aiuto di Gio. Gio, andiamo-”_ the man says with a distractedly worried look on his face.  


_“Va tutto bene, Romario,”_ Giada replies to him as the man disappears back behind the door.  


As Gio hands her the baby, she speaks softly to her husband. _“Ti voglio bene, Gio. Filippo sarà al sicuro qui con me. Torna in sicurezza per me.”_  


_“Ti amo anch'io. Tornerò presto.”_ Gio kisses her forehead. Rushing to the door, he pauses for a moment. “ _Ciao_, Maria. Thanks for the gift.”  


He waves once to Giada and the baby before he is out the door and running down the hall.  


“If he is leaving because he is afraid of me vomiting,” Maria says nonchalantly as the door closes behind Gio. “you’re going to have an interesting next 21 or so years.”  


* * *

Maria spends the next couple of hours chatting with Giada, cooing over the baby, and waiting for Gio to return.  


He doesn't.  


When visiting hours end and Gio still hasn't returned, Giada sneakily extracts a promise for Maria to back to the hotel and eat. She then kicks her out, cackling when the nurse returns to walk Maria out.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maria: *drinks terrible coffee* this coffee is a crime. Against me. Also probably humanity.  
> Maria: *continues to drink the terrible coffee* who willing drinks this shit? if they drink this shit, they must also make terrible choices  
> Maria: *looks into the coffee and makes sure she drinks every last drop* Seriously, who hates themselves enough to drink this shit?  
> Maria: *gets another cup* gross
> 
> Maria: fuck fate  
> Also Maria: *at a coffee shop* oh???? I’m somehow near coffee? The stars have aligned, i must complete the prophecy and drink all the caffeine for i am the chosen one  
> EMT: I am worried  
> Maria: The prophecyyyyyyyy is complete
> 
> Maria: Weird, it almost feels like I’m being followed? My instincts are telling me to run? Oh well, time to take a selfie.  
> The Suits (™): Quick! Act natural everyone!  
> The Suits (™): Don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious *jean ralphio singing and dancing*  
> Inside Maria's head: This! Is! Not! A! Drill! Red alert! Man the battle stations! *red lights and sirens going off*  
> Maria: Oh wow, this is not remotely suspicious at all. Nature is incredible.
> 
> Maria was supposed to be a super normal civilian character. But apparently she is made of at least 50% chaotic energy and is dealing with her anxiety by embracing her inner chaotic energy. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> Been stuck on this chapter since April and (x) it did not want to be written. 
> 
> Thanks for the comments and kudos, and I’m going to try to be more responsive. I’m pretty introverted so it doesn’t always occur to me to reply.. And the self-quarantining only exacerbates my worst introvert characteristics (but also the best? I’ve binged so many shows and dramas in the last few months. Just saying I need another 12 episodes of Mystic Pop Up Bar.)


	5. Twilight Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria wakes up and immediately proceeds to regret doing so... in the twilight zone. Doo-doo-DOO-doo Doo-doo-DOO-doo
> 
> Ft. breaking the fourth wall à la Lemony Snicket.

###  **Chapter Five: Twilight Zone**

> Dear Reader,  
> 
> 
> Have you ever woken up and regretted being awake?

  


* * *

Maria wakes up and immediately proceeds to regret doing so.  


As her eyes pry themselves open and the gradual awareness of conscious thought reemerges from its temporary hibernation, her mind immediately jumps into overdrive and alarm.  


Her heart pounds a frantic SOS in morse code. Her headache rings with the call of a war bugle.  


Across her entire nervous system, the battle sirens of anxious panic signal imminent doom.  


Impending **doom**.  


Her body tries desperately to communicate in every way.  


**Run! Run away, Maria!**  


It cries, but the cries go unheeded. Like many adults, Maria ignores the blaring internal alarm.  


She slowly gets up and gets ready for work.  


* * *

**A clock ticks.**

  


* * *

> Dear Reader,  
> 
> 
> Let us take a minute of silence for Maria and to reflect on her mistake.  
> 
> 
> She, like many people, has made many mistakes in her life. Some mistakes she regrets more than others.  
> 
> 
> This might be one she soon comes to regret.

  


* * *

Maria stares.  


The sun shines down warmly and happily. A sweet floral fragrance floats by in the delightfully cool Mediterranean breeze. The birds chirp a dulcet melody. Crowds of people gossip gleefully on their way to work, and tourists chatter happily about their sightseeing.  


By all accounts, it is a beautiful morning in Italy.  


However, Maria neither sees it, nor shares that opinion.  


Instead, Maria stares, frozen in shock, at the fallen coffee spilling on the sidewalk.  


The cup rolls slowly and ominously as the dark liquid flows out of the cup and pools on the ground.  


Maria stares and despairs.  


* * *

**The countdown to doom continues.**

  


* * *

Her day does not get any better.  


Her schedule is so packed with unnecessary meetings that she is scheduled for several meetings at the same time. One of her meetings goes over the allotted time and makes her late for her next meeting.  


Her work laptop suffers several errors, including a blue screen of death.  


After an unexpected system update, she loses some of her unsaved work.  


Then, her hair gets caught in a zipper.  


Every time she debugs a line of code, she finds another issue.  


When she tries to leave for lunch, she gets stuck in an impromptu meeting. She misses lunch.  


She splashes coffee on her white blouse.  


She breaks a nail and a heel.  


Maria inhales and counts to ten. Then she exhales.  


* * *

> Dear Reader,  
> 
> 
> Have you ever had a bad day? Have you ever had a day when everything seems to go wrong, no matter how hard you try?

  


* * *

By the end of work day, Maria is hungry, exhausted, and in a terrible mood.  


She is desperately hanging on to her sanity and patience by a half-frayed thread.  


Half-stomping and half-limping, Maria finally escapes the office.  


Flagging down a taxi, Maria greets the driver and asks to be driven back to her hotel. She shows him the hotel address on her phone.  


The taxi driver looks at the address and then her. After a moment, a smile slides across his face and he tells her to get in the car.  


She sighs in relief and gets in the back.  


But as the taxi starts to drive, something about the strange smile tugs at the back of Maria’s mind. It felt inexplicably eerie, as if the cab driver was unaccustomed to smiling.  


A shiver slowly creeps down her spine.  


Ignoring the urge to glance at the driver, Maria distracts herself with replying to work emails on her phone  


* * *

Her stomach growls, hangry and empty.  


As Maria answers the last email, she checks the time.  


Based on when she left work and distance to the hotel, she should’ve been dropped off over twenty minutes ago.  


Her head rockets up from the phone, and suddenly her stomach feels as if it has dropped an anchor into the ground.  


Nothing out the window is recognizable. It looks like they’re leaving the city.  


_"Mi scusi signore!"_ Maria searches her translation app for how to ask where they are in Italian. “ _Dove siamo? Dove… l’hotel?_”

The man turns around and the strange smile is back on his face. However, it looks more darkly triumphant this time. “ _Arriveremo presto_.”

Maria wiggles the door handle - it’s locked.  


Her breath catches, and she tries hard not to panic. She assumes the driver said something about arriving. She really and desperately hopes he means to the hotel.  


She tells herself it is probably just bad traffic, and they're taking an alternative route.  


The little voice in the back of her head wails at her.  


**GET OUT MARIA! Don't let them get you! RUN!! You're in danger!**  


The panic quickly sets into subdued shock and dissociation even as the awareness slowly settles in. She pinches herself to confirm that she isn't dreaming.  


"Am I really being kidnapped?" Maria mutters softly under her breath, "I wanted sushi tonight. This is so inconvenient."  


* * *

**The clock ticks closer and closer to doom.**

  


* * *

> Dear Reader,  
> 
> 
> Maria regrets so much right now.

  


* * *

The car stops.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all fairness, even if Maria heeded the warning, she likely would not have been able to escape her fate. 
> 
> Yee haw, I’m back on my old bullshit again. And by that I mean hibernating and isolating myself like a grizzly bear in mid-December. :) 
> 
> I was supposed to write more regularly, but I ended up finally caving and getting a viki pass in July instead. The fact that I hate writing in general and have been having to do a ton of it recently for work is also not helping. Ngl I have no excuse for not writing, at this point, it’s just procrastination and who I am as a person lol. 
> 
> Btw I updated the last chapters to allow hovering over the Italian text for a translation. Maria doesn't not speak Italian and doesn't understand what is being said which is why I didn't include it before (since the story is from her POV). In this chapter, she speaks with errors as she is using a translation app and doesn't understand the grammar.
> 
> Maria’s google search in the near future :
> 
> This meme reminded me that I needed to finally write the next chapter.
> 
> Maria: *staring at falling coffee cup*  
> Coffee cup: *spills on the ground in slow-mo*  
> Background music: *Mm Whatcha Say*
> 
> Person: Are you ok???  
> Maria: *crying* do I look ok?  
> Maria: *pointing at the spilled coffee*  
> Maria: what the fuck did I do to deserve this?
> 
> Maria: They say don’t cry over spilt milk BUT nobody ever told me not to cry over spilt coffee.
> 
> Maria: *gets in a taxi* i sure hope i’m not about to be murdered  
> Murderer driving the taxi: …  
> Maria: *shrug* oh well guess i’ll die


End file.
